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During week seven of my mindfulness training, I was introduced to the Lovingkindness meditation. During this meditation you conjure an image of various people (and other sentient beings, if you’re so inclined). Then you wish them good things like peace, happiness, safety, etcetera. You also wish these things for yourself. And then – the hardest part for me initially – you imagine someone wishing these many good things for you. The Dalai Lama has said that this practice may or may not benefit others directly, but that it absolutely benefits you. And this was my experience.
I struggled so much with this meditation initially that I continued to do it every day for four additional weeks. I did it in addition to my other spiritual practices, and it was miraculously transformative. Even if my meditative well-wishes haven’t benefitted the recipients, my increased compassion for myself and others benefits everyone I encounter.
You begin by imagining someone you’ve known who’s been kind and good to you, and send him/her well wishes. That part was easy for me – many people have been good to me in this lifetime. But then you have to imagine this same person wishing you happiness, wholeness, love and peace. And I couldn’t think of one person in the history of my life who would wish such things for me. I don’t actually know why.
I have been and am loved by many people. But I just couldn’t imagine anyone saying to me, “May you be happy, healthy and whole, may you have inner peace and ease, may you be safe and free from harm and so forth.” In part, most of the people in my life are not and have not been “religious” type people, so they just don’t talk like that. But it was even hard to imagine anyone really wishing that I be happy and well. At the same time, when I got to the part where I had to think of someone who is difficult and send lovingkindness to him/her, I had a hard time narrowing it down to just one person.
As I persevered daily in this practice, I began feeling better in some way that I couldn’t quite articulate. I knew that I had somehow transformed into a “better” person. I wasn’t suddenly the Dalai Lama or anywhere near. But I felt a little bit closer to my friends and family, friendlier toward my acquaintances and neighbors, and more understanding when someone cut me off in traffic.
Encouraged by this, I tried a different guided Metta meditation offered by Tara Brach. She has so many, I don’t remember which one I did, but it was about twenty minutes long. What I do remember is trying to say in my mind, “May I accept myself just as I am.” I had a rushing of heart palpitations and stress from trying to say this to myself. You can read the long version of that story in my ebook. The short version is that I recognized something that desperately needed my attention and began to sit with that during my regular mediations. Eventually, I noticed I can say those words, even if my journey to self acceptance is not complete.
It really hit me that something had changed when I sat down one day to do my lovingkindness meditation. I closed my eyes and thought of so many people who love me and would wish me peace and happiness. I felt the love and support that surrounds me in the material world, not just the spiritual world. And when I had to send well wishes to someone who was difficult, I couldn’t think of anyone. Suddenly, everyone I knew seemed to be treating me just fine. Buddhist teachers tend to discourage measuring our “progress” in meditation, and encourage practicing without expectation. But this mediation took me somewhere new – somewhere I’d always wanted to go, but never understood the directions.
As I sat, unable to think of anyone in my present life who was even on my nerves that day, I dug deep into my past to a person who had been the main character in one of my early childhood traumas. I won’t go into the details here, but they are in my e-book. I went back to the most memorable of many violent and terrifying nights listening to furniture being toppled over and other sounds indicating my mother was being beaten up again by my stepfather. As I held the memory of her in a heap on her bedroom floor holding her eye, to my shock I was able to hold him in my heart and wish him happiness, inner peace and ease and that he be free from fear and suffering.
I went on during my daily meditations to send love to others who had caused me fear, pain and shame during the years that I was powerless to do anything about it. By forgiving them for harming me in the past, they miraculously stopped harming me in the present. Developing compassion for them as human beings who, from their pain, had caused me to suffer, just like from my pain, I have unintentionally caused others to suffer, has set me free in some inarticulable yet wonderful sense of that word. I’m grateful to the creator of that meditation and whatever powers drew me to it. It didn’t just heal the past – it’s easier for me now to accept people as they present in each moment. Not to condone harmful behavior, but to see the source of it and try to help rather than condemn.
Have you tried this powerful meditation as part of your journey of spiritual awakening? If so, please share your experiences in the comments and let your story be a blessing to others. You can also connect with me directly. New here and looking for tips to start a spiritual journey or embark on the mystic life spiritual path? You’ll find some ideas here.